![\"sharon_roman\"](\"https:\/\/stg-blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/files\/2016\/10\/sharon_roman-150x150.jpg\")
I flatter myself that the wedding ring on my finger does not stop the opposite sex from\u00a0finding me attractive and noticing me. On good days, I am able to appear to be just as\u00a0attractive and \u201cnormal\u201d as everyone else does, if you do not look too closely. My\u00a0apparent normalcy does however hinder and frustrate me at times, much as I strive for it.<\/p>\n
At the grocery store, the elderly woman in front of me is granted patience and helped to\u00a0her car with her bags. If there is no seat available on the subway, no one steps up to offer\u00a0me his or hers. When using the handicapped washroom I am eyed with suspicion. Once I\u00a0had to use the Men’s to avoid a messy embarrassment, for which I was loudly jeered.\u00a0Confronted in a parking lot, I have been accused of using my parents’ handicapped\u00a0parking permit. I’ve been accused of not really needing my cane, and shunned because it was assumed\u00a0that I had been drinking. These types of incidents are too exhaustive to numerate here.\u00a0Unfortunately for everyone involved, whether they know they are or not, ignorance is not\u00a0bliss. No one, neither others nor I benefit from narrow mindedness or their inability to\u00a0conceive of necessities and challenges that are not visibly forthcoming.<\/p>\n
Here is my personal ad: attractive natural strawberry\u00ad blonde, 35, nonsmoking, university\u00a0educated, 5\u20197\u201d, enjoys books, classical music, evenings in front of the fire with a glass of\u00a0red wine. Has a dark, dry, sense of humour. Here is my most personal ad: attractive\u00a0natural strawberry\u00ad blonde, 35, noticeable intention tremor, (I make a mean martini.).\u00a0Sometimes incontinent (Hope you do not mind diapers), sometimes slurred speech or\u00a0double vision (Even without wine). Sloppy legs and right foot, cane sometimes\u00a0necessary (Please, I am tired of three legged jokes). At times dizzy and wobbly (not from\u00a0my hair colour). The worst is yet to come, no known cure. Call before 8 p.m. as I am\u00a0usually in bed shortly thereafter.<\/p>\n
There are two jokes that I usually make when telling someone that I have Multiple\u00a0Sclerosis. The first comes from my brother who, with what he has dealt with has earned\u00a0the right to joke about it. “I do not have MS, I have PMS and the P is silent.” The\u00a0second came from me not enunciating properly and catching a pun. “I have A Mess.” Clever, I thought, as I feel like I am quite a mess at times. When I was in tears upon\u00a0reading a recent MRI report, \u201c…generalized cerebral atrophy\u2026prominent for the patient\u2019s\u00a0age\u2026\u201d my brother quipped \u201cYou have a trophy in your head?!\u201d Brilliant, I thought.\u00a0Yes, I can laugh and joke about my deteriorating body and myself. I can make light of\u00a0things most people would find abhorrent, and manage to live with it all, with the help and\u00a0love of others. I draw the line however, at thoughtless, hurtful comments and situations\u00a0from total strangers who do not know me nor my situation. People who are not willing to\u00a0think that maybe, just maybe, there is good reason for whatever it is they feel necessary,\u00a0or that it is their right, to take me to task for. Worse yet, are those who are aware of my\u00a0disease, but behave as though it does not always exist. Those who look the other way and do\u00a0not lend helping hands, who sit in judgment, not bothering to learn how, or simply ask\u00a0me how to help.<\/p>\n
Yes, shield your children and yourselves from me. I represent what most of you cannot\u00a0cope with\u2014the unknown, the ugly. The fear that it might have been you or it might still\u00a0yet be someone you love. Perhaps the thought is that I should feel embarrassed for my\u00a0situation, so others ignore it for my sake. It is quite the contrary\u2014people should feel\u00a0embarrassed for their lack of effort and empathy. I am not to blame for having this\u00a0disease. Our society teaches us not to stare or ask questions, it is rude to do so. We\u00a0offer a hand to the elderly person who trips, but look away from the sight of a young\u00a0woman stumbling along, slurring, she might be on drugs, or drunk, or mentally\u00a0incapacitated. Her poor husband, he must put up with so much.\u00a0This is my public billboard for Multiple Sclerosis. Do not dare prejudge, I am the girl\u00a0next door. It is difficult enough for me without your ignorance, to deal with something\u00a0even my doctors and I have difficulty comprehending. Thank you to those who have bothered to learn how to be of help. Thank you for all the\u00a0times you have carried me up or down stairs, helped me laugh at myself and were not\u00a0embarrassed by my condition, or offered a helping hand. I wish that everyone had a taste\u00a0of this kind of love and devotion in their life, though of course, not this way.<\/p>\n
Sharon Roman<\/strong> studied economics at the University of Toronto and Simon Fraser University. She had her first MS attack around the age of 30.<\/em><\/p>\n Competing interests<\/strong>: None declared.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I flatter myself that the wedding ring on my finger does not stop the opposite sex from\u00a0finding me attractive and noticing me. On good days, I am able to appear to be just as\u00a0attractive and \u201cnormal\u201d as everyone else does, if you do not look too closely. My\u00a0apparent normalcy does however hinder and frustrate me […]<\/p>\n